The Pickle Post

by Deepak Seth on 13 Sep 2009

Hi, my name is Deepak Seth and I’m the ‘yet to be famous Deepak Seth’ as compared to some of the others who I know of and share the name with who have already made their mark. I, like most good people, am married. Some get it right the first time round, some make sense of it on the second attempt. I, perhaps being a slow learner, could only get it bang-on on the third attempt.

My first wife, I believe is getting married for the second time, my second wife is married for the third time and I am my third wife’s second husband. Some of you may want to grab a calculator to determine as to how many marriages have taken place around me. Of the people who know me some think I was mad, while others were and some still are jealous of me and consider it my good fortune. During my most recent wedding some very close friends and cousins refused to give us gifts – wanting proof that this time round it was for keeps.

I have all my life, rather diligently, followed my old school motto which was ‘Never Give In’. My mother of course calls me Henry the 8th (in the making) and despite my continuous reassurances that my marital life is now on terra firma, rather vociferously fights back saying that all the gray in her hair is because of me – considering she has a lot less gray than most ladies her age.

Now, while going through all of this, I have more or less memorized the mantras and shlokas of an Indian wedding ceremony and can perform a half decent marriage if called upon in an emergency. On the other hand I am equally well versed with the laws and proceedings governing divorce. These services I would naturally offer free of cost as I’m neither a professional pundit nor a qualified divorce lawyer.

There are friends and friends of friends who think I am some sort of an expert on the art of marriage and turn to me from time to time. I remember of this one particular incident wherein I had introduced two dear friends to each other who fell in love and throwing caution to the winds sooner than expected, headed for the altar. By all accounts, a blissful first year went by considering that on their first anniversary they couldn’t stop thanking me. A month into their second year, I get a call from the wife raving and ranting and cursing the hell out of me for having introduced her to this ‘bum’ as she now referred to the husband. I sure enough, true to form, counseled her and reinforced the husband’s natural goodness thereby getting her to commit herself once again to this institution, and this time for good. It’s now been a few years, but whenever she sees me, she wants to give me a black eye claiming that I am a bigger bum than the one she married for having convinced her to stick on when she wanted out. You can never win with some.

Now, when my wife and I first met, we decided against having children for a couple of reasons. Firstly, we felt the child might develop deep rooted psychological disorders considering the generation gap. Can you imagine the impact on a child’s mind when introducing her or his father who actually looks more like its grand father to friends?

Secondly, bearing in mind the words of the great statesman John F. Kennedy “ask not what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country” well my wife and I both believe that - not adding another mouth to feed to this great country’s population is our contribution to the nation. Perhaps it was not having children of our own that made me a passionate international education consultant at the center where I guide confused school students who want to go abroad for education. I seem to communicate very well with children of this age which most parents believe is the most difficult age to handle. This constant interaction with kids has kind of made me into a ‘drawing room dad’ where I’m actually quite adept at advising parents on good parenting.

Now my friend, a lot of you would think that I’m obsessed with marriage – well not really, now that that part of my life has been taken care of. I have a greater passion which revolves around the time old adage ‘one mans junk is another mans treasure’. I am passionate about vintage and classic cars. I own a 1930 Ford A 2 seater cabriolet and a convertible 1954 Dodge Kingsway. This hobby of mine is something that I shall share with you at a later date.

In all of the above I suppose what I’m really trying to say is that we all go through our trials and tribulations as we walk through life, some of us tend to take life a little too seriously. Adding a dash of humor into our worst nightmares makes them pass easily and makes life a whole lot more fun. I know it can be done because I’ve done it.